This year

So I’ve been thinking. A lot. And praying. Not as much, but at a substantial increase. And to some extent, I’ve been trying to steer my spirituality for the New Year. This year, my resolution is to be more positive. Cynicism and sarcasm are like cake and ice cream---good food and wine to me. I enjoy them. I find them enticing and pleasurable companions. They define wit and good reading. But this year, I want to be more than a funny joke and a punch line at the right moment. I want to inspire. In order to do that on the outside, I have to first begin on the inside. Which brings me back to the whole thinking and praying thing.

So today I prayed. Not a Paul the Apostle prayer or anything world-changing like that, just a simple prayer of thanksgiving. I mean, I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a new house. My fridge and pantry are both overflowing with food. I have two cars that get me around. And an awesome family that loves me. Not to mention just two short months ago I was fortunate enough to serve in Cambodia. Wait—rewind! Let’s put that last one at the top of the list, because when I’m standing outside the pearly gates and Saint Peter asks me what I did with my life, I’m gonna knock his socks off with that one. He’ll be like, “Dude, why didn’t you say so?” Following my response he is sure to give me a high five and usher me through to heaven with Disney like excitement. I mean without Cambodia, what does my life really amount to? I mean, sure I have a new home—but let’s dissect that one. It was built in the 1940s and sure it has character and all that, but it is super drafty. I mean I’m pretty sure the walls are farting on my face at night. And sure I have food, but really, how many Great Value brand products can this family take? We might as well get a Wal-Mart stamp on our foreheads! I mean, Great Value (poor man’s Crystal Lite) raspberry lemonade? Who drinks that? The De Jesus family apparently. It tastes like Kool-aid on crack!?? And don’t get me started on my cars! One car is missing a rear-view mirror and the other one has awful tires. When we drive back to back on the highway we are an accident waiting to happen. And an accident is bound to happen if my one year old learns to scream any louder! Does anyone know how to say, “Sorry but we’re out of goldfish” in toddler???

Amen.

That wasn’t the prayer I wanted to pray, or the thought I wanted to think, but that’s what’s in me. Getting rid of an attitude of sarcasm and cynicism is going to be harder than I thought. I mean we live in a country where there are entire industries built around making you believe you are not happy with what you have. How do you foster an attitude of thankfulness in an environment like that? Being in Cambodia was great. You were surrounded by such poverty and depravity that thankfulness came without effort. Even though life was so hard, it was so much easier to be holy. I now understand Jesus’ words more than ever:

“Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.”
Those who have so little are thankful so much. And it is in their thankfulness that God reveals himself.

But “to whom much is given, much is required”.

So even though it doesn’t always feel like it, I know much has been given to me. So rather than just thanking Him in prayer and thought, I’m gonna work on thanking Him in deed. Currently I’m working with my dancers to build a well in Cambodia. You can donate at mycharitywater.org/fusionperformancecompany. But in the meantime, Im gonna work on saying out loud, just how grateful I am. I guess in the end, that’s what worship really is.